10 things vegetarians dread about Thanksgiving


Family celebrating Thanksgiving

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Let’s talk turkey about Thanksgiving. It’s not really about the bird. Sure, people who cook and serve the bird also tend to make a big to-do about carving up the bird, but it’s really about the side dishes, isn’t it? And you’d think that with all those glorious sides, a vegetarian would fare OK on this bountiful holiday. It’s not always the case, though. Even with an army of sides, vegetarians can end up missing out on the feast. Here are 10 reasons vegetarians dread Thanksgiving.


1. There is bacon in the macaroni and cheese. And the potato salad. And everything.

Why is there bacon in my macaroni and cheese?

Seriously, can there be no peace between veggie-eaters and their omnivorous friends? On Thanksgiving? We get that some of you have a sordid love affair with bacon. We get that you like bacon on your burgers, with your eggs, and wrapped around your meat and vegetables. But it’s really jarring when you discover tiny bits of bacon in something that should be a quintessential vegetarian dish.


2. No, we can’t just pick it out.

It's not okay.

In fact, we humbly remind our meat-eating friends that it’s easier to add meat to your serving if you really feel your bowl of (delicious) corn chowder is missing it. Maybe we really wanted that bowl of corn chowder. Go ahead and pick out the bacon from it and tell us that it doesn’t still taste like bacon.


3. “But this is soup.”

Try the soup? I can't. You put chicken broth in it.

Yes. But if it was prepared with chicken stock, it’s not vegetarian anymore — thereby defeating the purpose.


4. “Don’t you eat turkey?”


It’s not red meat, but it’s still meat.


5. “Don’t worry! There’s fish.”

No fish.

Yes, some vegetarians eat fish — even though that’s pescetarianism. Let’s not split hairs, though. It’s the holiday. Just remember that many of us don’t.


6. “But plants have feelings, too, you know.”


Trololololololol, no.


7. You’d be happy to console yourself with a plateful of green salad …

Et tu, salad?

… except bacon bits. Bacon bits everywhere.


8. There was a tray of cheesy baked ziti that was entirely meat-free …

None for you.

… but it was devoured by the children’s table before you got a chance to stick your fork in it.


9. “You’re missing out.”

There's nothing wrong with me.

No, I’m not. Thanks, Quorn!


10. “Do you miss it?”


Yes, some of us do, but just as many of us don’t. Now hand over that sweet potato pie before we get Hulk-smash-levels of hangry.